Gor' - luv a duck - another great day out for EFOG, this time to Barnes Wetland Centre, on 10th April.

When the suggestion to go there had been made at the programme planning meeting, about thirty-two people had thought it was a good idea, and because of the huge numbers expected, we reckoned three leaders should be employed. So, we were pleasantly surprised to find that on the actual day, five members turned up. Unfortunately, Steve was unable to be there on the day, but Fred and I thought we could cope.

Peter, Maz, Jane and Fred went by car, and apparently had a lovely journey. What a joy it must have been to be driving across London on such a fine day! The other group - who couldn't afford the petrol - consisted of myself and a contingent of one member - Pam - and two non-members: Janis and Jenny. Maz was heard to comment that I'd arrived with my harem, but that's not quite fair as non of them are even Turkish. (One is part-Welsh, though – so that may count)

We all spent the beginning of our visit to this wonderful waterfowl reserve by sitting in the sunshine drinking tea and coffee and eating cream cakes. Fred said it was much like being on holiday, and he was thinking that being retired wasn't such a bad thing after all.

However, the relaxation couldn't last, as at midday there was to be a duckling display. With the usual EFOG enthusiasm for excitement, we made our way to the lodge in the North American section, with posters of bison and beavers and deer and antelope playing. We hadn't really known what to expect from a duckling display – Jenny thought something like the Red Arrows, but Paul had in mind more like formation underwater swimming with red, white and blue ribbons trailing from their tails (It's called “Tailing”). However, what we experienced was perhaps even more remarkable (but maybe not). The ducklings were of a variety called “Runners” - apparently bred at a place called Bow Street to pursue villains in much the same way as geese are used to deter Rottweilers from breaking into farmyards.

Duckling Display at BarnesThe ducklings, of which there were five (including one that seemed to be able to make itself invisible from my vantage point), were performing in – of all things – a kiddies garden pool; one of those thin yellow plastic things. The pool was empty of water, but they had in there with them a dish with food placed on it to keep their peckers up, and a water-dispenser – totally unlike those that you get in a typical office scenario where they've gone beyond taps.

Being Runners, their display consisted of running in very complex – one could even say unpredictable – patterns, round and round the pool. These fascinating movements were interspersed with individual demonstrations of sitting down, falling over and even at times apparently falling asleep in the food bowl ! The Great Duck-mistress – who it must be said was not of duck-breed - explained that they were only a couple of weeks old, so their skills would certainly improve with age and experience. Already, these ducklings were so revered for their art that like all the elite, we were told that to touch one would result in severe punishment from the Great Duck-mistress. Inevitably, of course, some of the younger members of the audience and Maz were so drawn to these wonderful creatures that their hands strayed towards them, but a sharp rap on the knuckles quickly put a stop to that!

The demonstration over, we exited from the lodge blinking in the sunshine and from amazement. What a start to our visit! The sight in the pools nearby of Buffleheads, Crested Mergeezers and Deadly Venom-spitting Smew could hardly compare to what we had just seen! Sad to say, we didn't see any beavers, bison or deer or antelope playing. Personally, I have to say, it's a bit of a con just to encourage visitors. The crocodile in the African section didn't look too real to me either; I suspect it was actually a model one – just a deception. Sir Peter Scott has a lot to answer for – especially the massacre of the Ruddy Ducks. Ne Ne, I hear you say!

Still, not to let these things spoil the day, some of our group of eight – which was by now two groups of four (hold on: 2x4 equals - er... 1,2,3,4 plus 1,2,3,4....yes that's right), were treated to not just one but TWO water voles singing to each other in the reeds. And a frog on a log.

So the day was excellent – we probably all got sun-burnt, definitely four of us got chucked out of the binocular emporium for overstaying their closing time and not buying anything, and the two groups of four never met up again and went home their separate ways. Next time we are going to do the other half of Barnes Wetland Centre and I might well take another Cornish pasty to defrost on the way and save some money on buying food at the Centre (it is a bit expensive there).

Paul Ferris, 11th April 2010